To the woman I met in the parking lot:
To be more specific you were driving a many colored minivan with the fake wood paneling on only the passenger door.I wish to applaud your dexterity and multi-tasking skills. That you were able to back your car ,talk on the cell phone and suck the life out of that cigarette at the same time was simply amazing! And then you added hand gestures to your performance when I tapped my horn to warn you that you were about to put your van in the backseat of my car. Brava! Here I would like to make one little correction .If, as I believe, you were telling me the Tri-Valley High School somethings ( that window decal was partially blocked by the one of the adorable little boy urinating on a Ford logo) are number one you should have used your index finger. Sounds like a fine institution of learning, as judged by the bumper sticker that proclaims your son beat up my honor student. I wish we could have discussed it further, but I could tell you were in a hurry, since you didn't bother to obey the stop signs as you left the lot. Late for work perhaps? Still I think this is talent that Cirque du Soleil would kill for, if you ever decided to go pro.
p.s.
If this seems that I'm being a supercilious ass about this, let me reply in a term you're familiar with,DUH!
What you were in a parking lot around here and didn't call? It is amazing what people will do while driving.
ReplyDeleteGreat post James - sadly there are too many people out there that fit this description. Love the last post on you and your sweet grandsons building your first snowman together.
ReplyDeleteWhat priceless memories all three of you will have!
Oh James,
ReplyDeleteI really get cross with this situation.
It is beyond my comprehension that someone can text, talk, have a manicure, put their lipstick on, eat a Maccy D's and think that they can drive a car at the same time !!!! If it wasn't so dangerous they should win an award for dexterity !!
We are going to see the Cirque du Soleil in February (one of my favourite shows. We go every year) I'll put in a word for her !! XXXX
Here in Britain I see so many pedestrian who cannot walk and talk on a mobile phone, it should be obvious to anyone that driving isn't safe. Well, they manage to move, but not to maneuver; obviously the rest of us are supposed to look out for an accomodate them. You are right that she is a multi-talented woman, as well as having good taste. (Yes, I'm a snob, too.)
ReplyDeleteMy Dad found some sticky notes that he carried for a while to place on windshields: "I just wanted to congratulate you on having found 2 parking places; I wasn't able to find any at all."
James,
ReplyDeleteYou are ever so lucky to meet interesting and entertaining people such as this!
I do hope she gets a job at Cirque de Soleil, they do need freaks like her.... oh well perhaps not?
She may teach the children some really bad sign language!
Some days you just realise why you didn't want to go out in the first place.
ReplyDeleteLets hope you don't met her again.
Much love
Lia
xx
And we wonder why children 'today' act as they do. Need we look any further than their parents? Far too common today, but always funnier later on.
ReplyDeleteBetter than the woman at Tesco the other day, who promised me to hit me with the 'f****** basket' over the head, when I accidentally bumped into her whilst turning around. I smiled and said I am sorry (I was eight months pregnant at the time and a bit clumsy).
ReplyDeleteIt's always nice to meet patient and polite people.
Just discovered your blog by way of ADG. Glad that I read down a few posts because the entire time I'm thinking, "oh my goodness, this gentleman looks just like Edward Herrmann, or as my daughter would say, "the dad from Gilmore Girls."
ReplyDeleteI so relate to your story. I typically find there are usually two or three children in the back seat who get to see their mother demonstrate these talents.
ReplyDeleteI have a quote I keep posted on my blogging desk - "Should I find myself the victim of another person's bitterness, ignorance, smallness,or insecurities; remember things could be worse. I could be them". This little quote always makes me feel better about almost any situation. It makes it easier to just smile.
She probably ran the stop sign because she was in a hurry to get to her Reality TV show audition.
ReplyDeleteA well penned letter indeed. I've been in similar situations and it always amazes me.
ReplyDeleteJames, you are so bad and SOOOOO funny! If only I had been there to laugh with you. xoxo
ReplyDeleteSC
I saw a gal doing one better....all of what you mentioned AND applying eye makeup at the same time.
ReplyDeleteexactly so, exactly so! i was backing my car out recently, when i noticed a 60'ish man with red/purple dyed hair walking towards me muttering the worst of vituperations at yours truly. turns out, he was talking to himself, still upset about a parking skirmish he had just experienced. the parking lot arena is full of all manners of ill-mannered fools.
ReplyDeleteParking lots are one reason people shouldn't carry guns!
ReplyDeleteThis one post showcases your wordsmith abilities to the tee. You simply MUST write for a television show -- it would be an instant hit!
ReplyDeleteThis was one great post. I can't wait to share it with my husband who deals with this ilk of humanity daily on his hour-long commute to and from work. He will GREATLY appreciate your narrative!
Thanks for the smiles,
Ruth