I don't make New Year resolutions.There is nothing wrong with them, I just know in my case it is a futile exercise. I am far from perfect and despair of ever getting any closer. But that doesn't stop me from offering some suggestions for others.
Men, let's start with us. Hold that door open, even for other men. What could possibly be in that building that is more important than acting like a gentleman? Get off your hindquarters and pull out her chair. You should have risen when a lady came to your table anyway or entered a room or rose from your table. Good manners show respect for others. I'll come back to you guys in a minute.
Ladies when some one does these things it it doesn't mean they are treating you like an object. It means they are showing you respect, so smile a little. While we're on the subject, women should smile often. Especially at us old guys. One of God's loveliest creations is a smiling woman. Back to the menfolk, a smile and a good morning doesn't mean they want to sleep with you. Its a greeting, get over yourself. A man my age is about as arousing as furniture. unless you're Sir Sean. I'm not and I doubt many are,so act your age. If you are a young man, returning the greeting with sincere respect will impress her more than a "Hey baby thats what I'm talkin' bout" .
I suppose this sounds like Pollyanna and maybe sexist. Its not meant to be either one, it just goes back to my theory of living with style and dignity. Happy 2010!
Excellently stated! I think we've forgotten, as a culture, what proper manners and respect are. The whole women's liberation stuff from the 70's really skewed our perception of things. Women were programmed to feel if a guy opened a door for them it became a social statement of oppression instead of someone just wanting to be nice. I know I've certainly felt embarassed at times when someone holds a door open for me, as if I should feel offended or ashamed by the action. And taking our que, men stopped doing such things, for heaven forbid they be accused of holding women back after struggling so long for equality!
ReplyDeleteI'd rather be old fashioned than politically correct any day.
Style and dignity....hear hear, I'm all for that.
ReplyDeleteI love it when a man opens a door for me - and I find it really odd when I read about people (women mainly) being offended by it - since when was politeness offensive for goodness sake? I personally think saying it is sexist is RIDICULOUS!!
And by the way, I loved Pollyanna when I was young and just bought a copy for my own daughter this Christmas :)
Finally.....I did think that your profile picture was you......I hadn't heard of Mr Hermann but I see from Wikipedia that he seems like a very distinguished gentlemen, just like I imagine you to be.....so I am happy with that :)
Happy New Year :)
Dear James,
ReplyDeleteI don't find it sexist at all, although, I am a woman of a similar age to you so I rather like it that men open doors and stand up. I find it rather sad that these lovely gestures are now thought of as sexist. You keep doing it James and us ladies will Love it !!!! XXXX
Truer words were never spoke. Brava, sir. I know I am often happy to have doors held for me and I too, in my turn, hold doors for others. Today at the post an older gentleman laden with packages approached and I stepped out of the way and held the door for him. Deference to age and those 'in need', not only a sign of good breeding, but rather just plain nice as well.
ReplyDeleteI am happy to have my 'ladies' read your sage words on our Gentleman's page.
My mother always said I was a born feminist and having spend 30 yrs working in the construction industry I have a feeling she was right bless her.
ReplyDeleteHowever, that doesn't stop me from being a lady when the circumstances call for it and I do so enjoy having doors opened and being treated with courtesy and returning the same.
It appalls me the way some people behave in public and young women are really badly behaved these days which in turn means that young men don't behave well either. it's like people don't know the boundaries any more.
It's a great loss to society that we are losing all these wonderful parts of our culture.
Much love
Lia
xx
Love your blog! I try to hold the door for any and everyone and always appreciate it when it is done for moi. xoxo
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I now have ONE New Year Resolution, yes only ONE:
ReplyDeleteI'll SMILE more often!
Amen! So perfectly put, James!
ReplyDeleteI don't know who decided that being a feminist was the polar opposite of being a lady but I think that there are many of us out there that continue to be both.
Strange (and a little sad!) that we think a man opening a door for us is degrading, yet having them let the door flap in our faces is preferred. Luckily, for us lady feminists there are still a few true gents out there like you, James!
Lovely sentiments. My dad had beautiful manners like opening car doors and walking on the street side of the pavement, going up stairs behind and down stairs in front of a woman. I used to tease him about having the fastest lighter in the West and though smoking is way off the cards these days, I do miss his formality.
ReplyDeleteTook me a while to figure out "Sir Connery"; he never appealed to me at all before he was bald, funny enough. Also, strangely, he would be referred to as 'Sir Sean'. I've always thought it weird that an elevated title like Sir goes with one's given name, but there it is, Brits are hard to figure.
I promise to try to smile more often at any older men I encounter!
Great post, as always.
ReplyDeleteCongratulations on making me laugh on my first day back in a freezing heating-bust office.
ReplyDeleteGamely smiling at any chap I encounter today, partly in your honour and partly in case they know anything about heating systems...
Exx
Shelly, I fixed it, thank you
ReplyDeleteI am thrilled to hear about more smiles!
ReplyDeleteE , I once worked for a heating contractor, and it would give me an excuse to finally come to England!
I love this post! If the world were like this all the time, it would be a better place.
ReplyDeleteAloha, as a Mother of 4, 2 young men and 2 young women, I am all for MANNERS! I think I must be old school at 46 because, I see very little courtesy in the genders, it seems to be a lost art, but I enjoy the fine manners especially in the youth, so I hope I have done my part to contribute to the lost art of well mannered people! and thanks for making me ,smile:)
ReplyDeleteNew Year Wishes from across the Sea
Brandi
Love your post, and I wish more men, young and not-so-young, shared your views. :)
ReplyDeleteManners are in desperate need of making a comeback! I was raised in a, dress for dinner, elbows off the table, type of household so I appreciate it when a man stands when I return to a table, and holds a door open for me. Rather than making me feel like an object, it makes me feel very much like a lady, which is a lovely feeling. Thanks for spreading the word :-)
ReplyDeleteDear Sir,
ReplyDeleteBless you, bless you, bless you! Would that all men took your advice!
My grandpa always held doors for women, opened the car door for Gramma, and rose when a woman came to the table. I always thank a man when he opens the door for me and am very flattered that he did so, as that is a real gentleman.
Oh, James, this is why we all love you. You are a guardian of good manners, good taste and good fun.
ReplyDelete(Yes, I did indeed receive your lovely thank-you note. Merci mille fois.)
This was a lovely post. I'm so glad we have a few gentlemen among our Apron Revolution Ladies.
ReplyDeleteAs for a man's smile not meaning he wants to go to bed with a woman, I know for myself that sometimes it's hard to always accept a smile as innocent. Two of my sisters were r*ped, and although that has never happened to me, it has affected me deeply and I have a hard time being around men in general. Nobody would know this because it's an internal struggle that I have with myself. I sometimes have to force myself to smile when I'm afraid to do so because I don't want my life to be controlled by fear. I have actually had to have my husband come home from work several times because a workman/men had to come over to do work on the house and I just couldn't overcome my fear being there by myself with a unknown man/men. So, before the workman/men would even get there, he would be on his way back home. He never minds doing this for me because he loves to take care of me and make me feel safe.
Anyhow, I LOVE GENTLEMEN, but am slightly afraid of men until I know that they are indeed a gentleman. Thank you, and Winston, for being Gentlemen.
I can say though, that the true gentlemen I have come across put me completely at ease, and I appreciate them so much and love being with them. I deeply appreciate the sense of safety and security that I feel in their presence.
Smiling is indispensable.
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