I'd like to expand on a comment I made on Toad's "To the Manor Born" blog. In other words I'm gonna steal a topic! He asks if anyone plays pick up games of baseball any more. I commented that kids play their sport year round now and if you rode your bike alone to a park you might end up on Nancy Grace. I was a high school coach for 15 years. At 3 different schools
both public and private so I could go on and on about pushy parents (helicopter mom and dad, always hovering around making noise!) and coaches who expect year around devotion to their sport. I could, but I won't. I'm sure you all have your own stories. fell free to share. The problem is basically people trying to make something out of their children they never were. It becomes a blood sport. So very sad.However the other end of the spectrum is as bad. The sport activities that promote, well showing up. We really don't keep score (HA!) we don't want them to feel bad so, trophies for everyone! These are mostly aimed at younger children and are fine for wee ones. There reaches a point when this has to stop. This is what has created the entitled generation. I showed up, late again, where's my pay check. Life is a contact sport . Yes it hurts to lose, but it should make you want to try harder. In other words compete. Athletics should teach you skills that go beyond the playing field. Working as a team for a common goal. Winning with grace, losing with dignity.( no mom they didn't cheat, your kid played bad) And the dying art of being a good sport.
What's the answer? Beats me.I tried in my small way, but in the end it wore me down, so I retired and hung up the cleats.
I think of the long ago summer Saturdays. Put your glove on your handle bars and ball in your back pocket.Now you have to peddle standing up. Gotta go Mom the guys are gonna be there at 10! The only instruction back was don't be late for dinner! Miss ya Mom.
I so agree with your comments! Kids aren't learning that failure can be a good thing. Learn from your mistakes and try harder next time. Yes, learn to be a graceful loser AND winner when the time merits. My kids are 4 and 2 and my husband and I are really trying to raise our kids without a sense of entitlement. Work hard and have compassion for others. That's key.
ReplyDeleteGood for you!~ There is an old coaching adage " they heard it at the dinner table!"
ReplyDeleteI think that we come from the same generation , James. Things were different then. Everything has to be so P.C. nowadays.
ReplyDeleteWhen my children were at school they started all of this non competetiveness. They stopped the proper sports day and made them play silly games and races where everybody won !!
I'm afraid that life IS competetive and so is sport, in the real world so, there's no point in pretending. XXXX
People seem to have forgot that they were raised with values and that it never did them any harm. Now kids are raised to expect everything to come to them on a plate. You only have to watch one of those Nanny 911 shows to see how fully grown adults are having their lives and homes run to the marching beat of their children's drum.
ReplyDeleteIt is totally down to me to raise them prepared for the outside World, warts and all. Losing is part of life as someone very famous once said (i forget who)"You can't have everything you want, after all where would you keep all that stuff" But seriously people do their children no favours by raising them to believe that everything is there for the taking. I agree with JMW, raise them to loose with grace and work for what they want.
Much love
Lia
xx
You are all to right. Kids need to learn the jot of winning and the agony of defeat. These are lessons that will take them well into adulthood. While I will always encourage my son to do his best, and secertly hope he wins at everything. I know that without losing occasionally he will never grow as a person, and learn how to be a good sport even when he does not get his way.
ReplyDeleteNo apologies necessary, as I know my team can lick yours.
ReplyDeleteThe original post was predicated upon an episode of Oprah. A mother allowed her son to haul himself to socer practice. The mom police had her arrested for child endangerment.
My sainted mother believed in getting us out of the house early, and dinner was at 6. We were never late.
Hmm, you do see the absurd result of both ends!
ReplyDeleteChildren of 3 and 4 being yelled at because the don't play 'hard enough'- this being overzealous ice hockey parents...
And teachers and parents giving children the OPTION if they want to work or play, do homework, share, be nice etc.
WHAT ARE WE THINKING? Some things you HAVE to do, that is LIFE and it makes for BETTER living, does it not?
I teach my children that there is going to be failure in Life and you have to pick yourself back up, brush yourself off and go forward and guess what Kids that's called Life! Learn to deal with it because it's never going to change.I know a lil tuff love there but I have all Girls and it isn't always going to be pretty out there in our big bad old world.Of course I am there for all their tears and sorrow but together we learn to move on.I have a princess at home, she thinks we all owe her something and I had to learn to say No! to her.It wasn't an easy thing for me, of course I want the best for her but soon learned I wasn't teaching her a thing.Great Post! Thanks Kim
ReplyDeleteI love how you all are trying to do it right, if you can then there's hope the whole world won't become a Wal-Mart. Thank you all!
ReplyDeleteToad- Oh Yeah!?!
LFG has spent a fair amount of time on the bench at age nine. She realized that if she got better (soccer) she would play more and warm the bench less. It's crucial life learning.
ReplyDeleteADG- I never doubted you were doing it right!
ReplyDeleteJames,
ReplyDeleteI like raising my little girls in a small town where there is still some of that send them out the door on a weekend or summer morning to go play with their friends - of course, now I have them call me when they arrive and before they are leaving and I know the neighbors are watching out for them, too. And, more times than not the dodge ball game or build a fort out of sheets, etc. . is convened in my yard or living room, and so I get to know all the kids. I try to stay out off their competitions and disagreements for the most part - figuring this is how they learn. . .
RWG- Sounds like you have a good life for those two little dolls!
ReplyDeleteJames,
ReplyDeleteMy Daddy taught me early,it was not baseball but sailing...Favor is not Fair. It's great when you have it and it sucks when you don't.
Always Bumby
I am sincere when I write that I loved this post. I remember years back when my father spoke of the wrong of rewarding young athletes for 'just showing up'. That started too when my kids were young and I didn't put the effects of that into perspective until dad said exactly what you wrote about. The 'entitled' generation they are, and it makes my heart sad. It's so obvious with just the people my husband works with in his profession. They are entitled for just sitting @ their desk and turning on their computer. No matter that they are on Facebook rather than putting out work.
ReplyDeleteI long for those simpler days. When you mentioned putting your baseball glove on your handle bars of your bike, it was like opening up a window of memories. I can still smell the leather of my mitt today. Thank you James ~ deb
It certainly explains the current state of our public schools. "Good Job", "Yes, tell me about your feelings" "HOw does that bad grade make you feel?" "Isn't the bad white man bad for taking this land away from the nice indians" And yet, no one knows anything except how to 'talk about their feelings' and rather or not they like something. What about, sit down, be quiet, here is knowledge, now learn it, regurgitate it and then learn how to express yourself about it through LANGUAGE not how many happy faces or frowny faces can you make with your keyboard while you are texting. Sad, sad indeed. Perhaps, this is off topic, but it does put me to mind of it.
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